Heavy Losses, New Beginnings
by LoveBugOC
Summary: [She lost a child. He lost a child as well as his wife.] Dramione. Rated M for subject matter. Two-parter.
1. Part 1

Hey guys,

Here's another story! I'm taking a bit of break from school right now 'cause I just dont feel like stressing out this weekend. Anyway, the reason I've rated it M is for the themes.. The entire story is about miscarriage, which is obviously sensative subject matter.

Nevertheless, I hope ya'll enjoy it!

* * *

**Heavy Losses; New Beginnings**

_She lost a child. He lost a child as well as his wife._

X

**Heavy Losses-Part 1**

_Morning of December 3rd, 2006  
Present_

Draco Malfoy's blood runs cold when he sees what's inside the envelope his wife's owl has just delivered him. It was a large, yellow envelope, and so he knew it wasn't just a letter. But never – not even a little bit – did he think it would be _this_.

He stares down at the parchment lying neatly on his desk. He doesn't have the stomach to touch it. He doesn't have the heart to even _want_to look at it, but he can't not. He can't look away. He's not shocked, not really. If he's honest with himself he saw this coming from a mile away. But it still hurts. It takes his breath away, makes his heart race and his head hurt. And not in a good way.

How could she? After everything they've been through...how could she just...give up? She's a bloody Gryffindor, for Merlin's sake! She's supposed to be brave and courageous and stubborn!

But then...she hasn't been brave, courageous or stubborn in a very long time. She hasn't been herself. Neither of them have.

The pain is still fresh. The memories still haunt him.

X

March 7, 2006  
9:46 a.m.

He's in the middle of a meeting when his secretary, Wendy, interrupts. A CEO of Malfoy Inc., he politely tells her that he's in the middle of a meeting and that he'll find her when it's over. But she insists. That's when he notices that her voice is off, and her eyes are wet with unshed tears. Confused, and rather concerned, he excuses himself and follows her out.

_She hands him an open envelope. Her hands are shaking. He wonders why, but he doesn't ask. She tells him she opened it because she thought it was for work, which peaks his interest and deepens his concern. His wife is five months pregnant.  
_

_He pulls a piece of parchment out of the envelope, his gaze running over the words. His blood runs cold. His breath gets stuck in his throat. His heart skips several beats. His entire body is numb as the parchment falls to the floor.  
_

_Wendy tells him she'll take care of everything.  
_

_Seconds later he disapparates._

9:51 p.m.

The first thing he hears is screaming. He recognizes the sound and fear grips him, makes him sick to his stomach. He rushes down the hall, following the sound – one he remembers far too well. He tries to open the door, peering through the small window to the inside. His wife is inside, wailing and screaming and flailing her limbs about like she's being tortured. He bangs on the door, ripping his wand from his pocket to blast it open. The door opens, then, on its own and he's being pushed away by a male healer. He doesn't see the man's face and he doesn't care to. He just wants to get inside that room.

_"My wife is in there, let me in!" he growls dangerously, his chest heaving with broken gasps.  
_

_"I'm sorry Mr. Malfoy, but I can't do that-"  
_

_"I'm her husband! I'm the father of her baby! And I will have your job if you don't let me in!" he shouts, his face red and hot with anger and frustration and blinding fear.  
_

_"Sir, I'm sorry, but it's hospital policy-"  
_

_The next thing he knows, he's being held back by two pairs of strong arms as he tries to fight his way into the room. She's still screaming and crying and then-  
_

_-everything is quiet._

10:04 a.m.

He drags his feet into the room, too tired, lazy and defeated to lift them. His robe jacket is somewhere in the hall with Blaise Zabini, his white button down shirt is torn open and his tie is undone, hanging loose around his shoulders. Five minutes ago he thought he was going to suffocate to death. Now, staring at his wife's back, he thinks he'll die from a broken heart. And he almost wishes he had suffocated to death.  
She's crying, her shoulders shaking even as she's curled herself into a ball, facing the wall, on the hospital bed. Her usual brown, bouncing curls are matted. He hesitates as he walks towards her, even as he lowers himself into the chair next to the bed. He reaches his hand out and only then does he realize he's shaking too. He places his hand on her hip and she flinches, which in turn makes him flinch and he pulls it back. He rests his elbows on the mattress, clasping his hands together in the air and hangs his head. Only then does he feel the tears cascading down his cheeks. The mattress moves and he looks up to find her facing him. The pained look on her pale face and the devastation in her usually bright eyes nearly kills him. Her arms are wrapped around her stomach protectively; protecting something – someone – that is no longer there. He holds his breath as he reaches out to her again and this time she doesn't flinch. Instead she takes his hand and tugs, pulling him onto the bed with her before snuggling into his embrace. He tries to give her a sense of security, a safe place to hide. But he can't.

_And so they both cry.  
_

_Hours later, hearts all over the Wizarding Community are breaking with the news that Draco and Hermione Malfoy have lost their baby._

X

_March 12, 2006  
11:57 a.m._

She hasn't eaten in four days. He tries to eat, but he can hardly get through any meal. She doesn't even try.

_Since leaving the hospital just hours after, she's completely shut down. She won't speak to anybody – especially not him. She doesn't do anything except for keep herself locked away in their bedroom, only leaving to use the loo. She looks empty. Broken. Lifeless. He feels it – empty, broken, lifeless – but he's trying to be strong. He's trying so hard to be strong for her. For their three year old son.  
_

_Their _son_. _He_ doesn't understand. He doesn't understand why his mother never comes out of the bedroom. He doesn't understand why when he goes inside to see her, she whispers for him to leave. He doesn't understand why she won't even look at him.  
_

_Draco can see the heartbreak written all over his face. And so he tells him that mommy is just having a hard time right now and that they need to give her some space. And when Scorpius looks at him, his grey eyes shining with tears and his dirty blond hair sticking out all over the place and asks him "for how long?", Draco doesn't have an answer for him.  
_

_He makes her a sandwich, although a voice in his head tells him he shouldn't have bothered. It's peanut butter and jam, her favourite comfort food. Now seems like a pretty good time. He serves a smaller portion of the same thing to Scorpius while the child colours at the kitchen counter before taking a plate up the stairs and into the bedroom for her. She's lying in the middle of the bed in the fetal position, the blankets covering her from head to toe. The room is pitch-black; the usual rays of sunlight that seep in through the sides of the curtains are invisible. She's used magic to keep the light out and the darkness inside. He can't even remember the last time she saw the light.  
_

_He closes the door behind him before tiptoeing towards the bed. "Granger," he whispers softly. When she doesn't reply he places the plate on the bedside table on his side of bed and crawls onto the mattress. He rests his open palm on her hip, stroking his thumb absentmindedly over the fabric. "Honey, please come out of there."  
_

_"I'm tired, Draco," she mutters, her voice muffled under the blanket.  
_

_He sighs softly. "I know, Luv. But I made you a sandwich. Peanut butter and jam, your favourite."  
_

_"I'm not hungry."  
_

_"I know, but you haven't eaten in days, Luv," he whispers, moving his hand to run all the way up and down the length of her side. "And it'll mean a lot to me if you at least tried..."  
_

_She shifts underneath the blankets and hope swells within his chest as she pushes them off of her and sits up, leaning back on her hands. Her hair is static-y from the fabric, and dirty from the fact that she hasn't washed it in days.  
_

_He smiles softly at her, reaching his hand out to cup her cheek. Normally she leans into his touch, but this time she doesn't even move.  
_

_Her eyes are hollow. Empty. Tired. Red, swollen and raw. Her cheeks are red too, from constantly wiping them. And her lips are chapped. He wants to just hold her and let the world slip away – if only for a little while. "I appreciate the thought, Draco. But I can't..."  
_

_"Hermione-"  
_

_Before her name is even out of his mouth, she's pulled the cover back over herself and curled into a ball. He continues to sit in the middle of the bed and eats her sandwich so that when he goes back into the kitchen he can tell his son that mummy ate it. It's only a little white lie..._

X

March 20, 2006  
5:06 p.m.

It was his first day back at work. And it was fucking hell. All he wanted to do was work. To take his mind off of his devastated and utterly depressed wife, his confused son, his own unhappy self and his dead, unborn baby. He thought that by throwing himself back into the land of business and deals that he could escape, if only for eight hours. But everywhere he turned and everyone he spoke to seemed so focused on his personal issues rather than the business issues. Everyone was offering condolences and sharing looks of pity and sympathy and he hated it. They were treating him like a broken soul – and okay, maybe he's broken, but treating him as such isn't going to help. By the time he leaves the office of 4:30 in the evening he just wants to go home and go to bed.

_When he gets home he finds Scorpius sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table colouring in that muggle book he likes so much while watching cartoons on the television. His wife is nowhere in sight. He hangs his jacket on the hook by the front door before walking over to his son. "Hey buddy," he greets him softly, planting a kiss the boys head.  
_

_"Hi daddy."  
_

_"What are you doing?"  
_

_"Colouring. What are you doing?"  
_

_"I _wish_ I was colouring."  
_

_"Do you want to share?" Scorpius asks innocently, getting ready to rip him out a page from the back.  
_

_"No, that's okay, bud. Where's mummy?"  
_

_"She's in the kitchen. She wants to be alone though..."  
_

_Draco nods, planting another kiss to the side of his boy's head before walking into the kitchen. She's sitting at the kitchen table, holding a pair of Scorpius' old baby booties. Her cheeks are wet, her eyes are swollen and she looks like a right mess. He walks over to her, wraps his arms around her shoulders from behind and holds her best he can. She rests her head back on his shoulder, choking on a sob as she pulls her knees to her chest. His own eyes are burning with unshed tears as he buries his face in the crook of her neck.  
_

_This is the first bit of intimacy they've had in weeks.  
_

_And just like that it's over, as she pulls herself out of his grip and pushes herself to her feet. "I need some air."  
_

_His tears don't fall. Not even as his son comes in to ask him where mummy went._

X

April 7, 2006  
10:03 p.m.

The water is hot, almost too hot as it cascades down his back into the pool around his feet. He's forgotten how long he's been in the shower, and quite honestly he doesn't really care. He tilts his face up, letting the water beat off of his skin. It's comforting, the water. The feeling of it, the sound of it. It's constant and warm and comforting.

_Sometimes he wants to drown in it.  
_

_He doesn't hear the bathroom door open and close. He doesn't hear the shower door open and then close. He has no idea that he isn't alone until he feels soft, delicate arms curl around his waist.  
He jumps slightly, surprised. And then he closes his eyes, savoring the feeling of her arms around him again. The feeling of her lips against his shoulder. The feeling of her naked, wet body pressed against his back. He turns around then, his left hand cupping the back of her neck while his right slides down her arm and takes her hand, interlocking their fingers. He closes his eyes, resting his forehead on hers. "Hi," he whispers.  
_

_"Hi," she whispers back.  
_

_He closes the gap between them tentatively, hesitantly. His lips ghost across hers just slightly, like a teenage boy kissing a girl for the first time. He's unsure of himself, uncertain of her reaction. And then her lips are on his, kissing him and her hands slide up his back and curl over his shoulders. He buries his hand in her hair, his other arm curling around her waist tightly as he deepens the kiss pouring every ounce of love and affection into her as he can. He turns her around carefully, through the water and presses her against the wall. When he pulls back, only for a moment, he's breathless. She is too, and she's panting and her chest is rising and falling and she's fucking beautiful. She's gorgeous. He kisses down her jaw to her neck, nuzzling and sucking on her creamy white skin as his hands roam her body – her shoulders, her breasts, her arse and thighs and hips. She runs her fingers through his hair, her nails scraping softly against his scalp just the way he likes it.  
_

_He won't last, he knows it. It's been far too long since he's been able to even hold her, let alone be...intimate with her.  
_

_She starts to shake violently and he pulls back slightly to look at her. She's crying. So he does the only thing he can think of and he kisses her, trying his best to distract her as he picks her up and wraps her legs around his hips.  
_

_He makes love to her, the steady beat of the hot water cascading over both of them. Only after he finds his release, leaning against her with his face buried into the crook of her neck for support, does he realize that he's crying too._

X

April 25, 2006  
6:45 p.m.

He's sitting on the couch with Scorpius, the little boy curled up on his lap as he practices his numbers. Normally Hermione does this with him...

_"E-lev-en," Scorpius announces, pointing at the double _one_ numbers on the page in his book.  
_

_"Good, very good Scorp. What's next?" Draco asks, his gaze flicking out the window to where his wife is. _

_She's sitting on a chair on the porch, her legs pulled up to her chest as she stares across the horizon in the backyard.  
_

_She's shut him out again, both of them. It's like instead of the intimacy in the shower bringing them closer together, it's made the gap between them bigger. Deeper.  
_

_"Daddy?"  
_

_"Yeah, Scorp?" Draco asks him, unable to tear his gaze away from Hermione.  
_

_"Does mummy still love us?" His voice is soft and hesitant.  
_

_Draco blinks, looking down at his son, who's looking back at him with sad, curious and fearful eyes. His bottom lip is quivering with anticipation. "Of course she does, Scorp. Why would you ask that?"  
_

_Scorpius just shrugs, turning his attention back to his book.  
_

_Draco sighs inwardly; he's feared that this day would come. He picks up his son and sits him on the coffee table so that they're facing each other. He takes the book out of Scorpius' hands before taking those small hands in his, leaning forward with his elbows in his knees. "Scorpius. Scorp, look at me," he says softly.  
_

_Scorpius looks at him, about thirty seconds away from crying.  
_

_"Mummy loves you, Scorp. And she loves me. It's just...mummy lost something a little while ago. We both did, and she's just...taking it a little harder than I am," he says softly.  
_

_"I can help find it," Scorpius replies excitedly. "I'm good at finding things, like I found your wand!"  
_

_Draco chuckles softly. If only it was that easy. "Yes, you did find my wand. But this...this time what we lost can't be found."  
_

_"Why?"  
_

_He blinks, unsure of how to respond to that. Then, licking his lips, he rubs a hand over his face and then fixes Scorpius' hair. "Remember when mummy and I told you that you'd be getting a little sister soon?" _

_Scorpius nods wearily, like he already knows. _

_"Well that's what we lost."  
_

_"Why can't we just find her?"  
_

_"Because...because she's with Merlin now. Merlin needed her," he replies, thinking this would probably be the best explanation.  
_

_"Oh. Did he ask for her?"  
_

_"Yes. Yes, he asked."_

X

May 12, 2006  
2:43 p.m.

Every day he tells Scorpius that it'll get better. And every day he feels like he's lying to his only son.

_She isn't getting better.  
_

_She's getting worse.  
_

_She's withering away.  
_

_She won't even talk to Ginny, a woman, about it. And Draco doesn't have the heart to tell the redhead that it's because Ginny still has all of her kids.  
_

_Everyone is worried about her. Her friends. Her co-workers at the Ministry. Her parents – hell, even his parents are beginning to notice (and worry.) But he can deal with that. He can deal with them being worried and hurt and everything else, he can even deal with himself. It's Scorpius he can't deal with.  
_

_It's the sadness the little boy's eyes – constantly.  
_

_It's the longing look he gets when he just wants his mum.  
_

_It's the hurt look he gets when he tells her something, excitedly or otherwise, and she barely even acknowledges him.  
_

_It's the fact that his three year old son is also suffering, when the child shouldn't even have to worry about it.  
_

_He does the best he can, to distract Scorpius. (And himself.) He takes him to the park a lot more often than he used to. He takes him to the zoo, and to go bowling and mini putting. He takes him to Quidditch games and football games. And for a while it works, the distractions. It's when they get home and Draco puts him to bed that he can no longer distract him. (Or himself.)_

Scorpius decided to bake for her today. He thinks that it'll make her feel better and even though Draco is skeptical, he helps his son. He's desperate, after all. He just wants to see a smile. Just one, small smile on her heart shaped lips.

_They spend hours baking cookies and muffins and cupcakes. By hand. The muggle way, because Scorpius knows his mother is from a muggle background. She hasn't come out of the bedroom all day.  
_

_Until now.  
_

_She freezes mid-step in the doorway, staring at them in confusion. They're standing there in their pajama's, wearing aprons and covered head to toe in flour and baking soda. There's even a broken egg somewhere in Draco's hair.  
_

_They both smile sheepishly at her, Draco rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "Hey..."  
_

_"What...what is all this?"  
_

_"We baked for you mummy! To make you better!"  
_

_Hermione blinks, crossing her arms over her stomach, a protective habit she's picked up since being in the hospital. "Thanks. I'll um...I'll have some later, okay?" She turns to leave then.  
_

_Scorpius frowns, his bottom lip quivering slightly as he fights back tears.  
_

_Draco sighs, undoing his apron and tossing it on the counter. "Granger," he calls her. "A word. Scorp, just sit at the table okay, I'll be right back."  
_

_Scorpius nods sadly, but obeys.  
_

_Draco follows her down the hall, catching up to her and then passing her. He takes her arm and pulls her into the bedroom, slamming the door shut with a loud bang. It causes her to flinch but he really doesn't give a shit right now because he's angry. She ignores him, crawling back onto the bed. "Granger-"  
_

_"What, Draco?"  
_

_"I want you to go back out there, apologize to your son, give him a kiss and a hug and eat a cookie with him."  
_

_"I'm not hungry-"  
_

_"I don't care, Hermione! You're never hungry – and that's fine, whatever. But he's your fucking son!"  
_

_"I know that!"  
_

_"Then start acting like it!" he yells, his body shaking with every pent up emotion in the book. She goes to protest but he shakes his head. "He just wanted to help, Hermione. He thought that if he baked you some things that it would make you feel better. I know it won't but won't you at least humour him?"  
_

_"Draco..."  
_

_"You know what, fine. Don't. But don't expect me to be the one to go back out there and break his heart this time. If you can't go out there and humour him, then _you_ be the one to tell him why." He crosses his arms over his chest, waiting for her reaction.  
_

_Moments later she pulls herself to her feet and walks past him, leaving him alone in the room. He breathes a sigh of relief, closing his eyes for a moment.  
_

_When he returns to the kitchen he finds Hermione sitting at the kitchen table with Scorpius in her lap as he tells her all about the food they made. She smiles when it's appropriate but otherwise she just stares. _

_Her smile is broken and sort of fake but Scorpius doesn't know the difference anyway.  
_

_And it's a start, right?_

X

June 1, 2006

She's been back at work for a few weeks now. Minister Shackelbolt has offered to let her only work part time for the time being, but being Hermione, she decides to go back to full time within the first week. She, like him, has decided to throw herself into her work in order to distract herself.

_She's all fake smiles – the ones that don't even reach her eyes, and halfhearted laughs – the kind that says 'you're funny (or cute) so I'm gonna laugh at what you just said even though I don't want to'. And he sees right through her. She's pretending. But then, in a way, so is he.  
_

_Draco walks out of the elevator on her floor, smiling politely at the secretary witch and a few of her co-workers. He's surprising her for lunch today, going to take her to her favourite coffee shop down the street in Muggle London. He stops upon hearing an unfamiliar voice behind him. When he turns around, he comes face to face with a younger wizard, probably early twenties, with dark brown hair and brown eyes. He looks new, walks towards him like he hasn't quite found his footing in the Department of the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. He's just a pup, really.  
_

_"Hey, Mr. Malfoy," the kid greets him, sticking out his hand awkwardly.  
_

_Draco smirks inwardly. "Hello Mr..."  
_

_"Flann. Eric Flann. I'm new to the Department."  
_

_"Oh, I see."  
_

_"Are you looking for Hermione – I mean, Mrs. Malfoy?"  
_

_"Yes-"  
_

_"She's in her office."  
_

_Draco nods, turning to continue walking in the direction he'd been walking. Her office. "Thanks."  
_

_"I wanted to extend to you my condolences," Flann says, following behind him.  
_

_Draco stops, turning back to face him again. "Condolences?"  
_

_"Yeah, you know, for the baby. Hermione – um, your wife – she told me about your loss-"  
_

_"I see," Draco replies, tight-lipped. He turns again to keep walking, Flann on his heels.  
_

_"My buddy's mum was pregnant last year with her fifth child and she had a miscarriage too. She was depressed for ages, but it got better eventually-"  
_

_Once Draco reaches her office, he walks inside and slams the door shut behind him, cutting the kid off mid-sentence. Hermione looks up at him from her desk, curiousity and confusion swimming around her brown eyes. He's too angry to notice the still underlying sadness – or to remember his initial reason for being there. "You're talking to a _child_ about our personal lives?" he asks, sneering angrily.  
_

_"What are you talking about?"  
_

_"Flann – Eric – whatever. What exactly have you told him, Granger?"  
_

_"I just told him what happened, what I'm going through," she replies, pushing herself to her feet and walking around her desk to lean on the other side.  
_

_"And?" he presses, pacing back and forth.  
_

_"And what? What are you freaking out about-"  
_

_"So you'll talk to _him_ about the baby _we_ lost but you won't talk to _me_?" he asks her, his tone one of accusation, bitterness and hurt. He's hurt. And angry.  
_

_She sighs softly, running her hand through her hair. "It's different talking to him, Draco. It's..."  
_

_"Are you shagging him too?" _

_Her eyes widen in shock, and then she slaps him. It stings. But it doesn't sting as much as the reality of the fact that his own wife would rather talk to another man – a boy, at that – instead of him. Perhaps accusing her of sleeping with him was the wrong way to go, but it just sort of slipped out. He has a bit of getting snarky and sarcastic when he's been hurt or angry._

Later that night, after Scorpius is in bed, she's taking a bath in the tub when he walks in to brush his teeth. He looks at her, she looks back, but neither of them say anything. Neither of them have spoken since he walked out of her office after she slapped him.

_"I'm not sleeping with him. I'm just talking to him." Her voice is soft. Tentative. Truthful. And the truth is he already knew that.  
_

_He blinks, gripping the edge of the counter for support. "Well you _should_ be talking to me."  
_

_He hears the water moving in the tub as she leans forward and unplugs it before standing up and wrapping a towel around her. "I...I don't know how, Draco. I don't know how to talk to you about...I can't," she whispers admittedly, wringing out her hair before wrapping it in a towel.  
_

_He sighs, placing his tooth brush on the counter. "Then tell me what you want, Hermione. Tell me what you want me to do about this and I'll do it," he tells her softly. He rests his hip against the counter, looking at her desperately.  
_

_"There's nothing you _can_ do. I just need some time."  
_

_"How much time?" Quite honestly, he's beginning to wonder when time will run out.  
_

_"I don't know."_

X

June 15, 2006

"So how is she

really_?"  
_

_Draco tears his gaze away from the 'she' in question to look at his best friend. The dark skinned wizard looks back, looks at Hermione, and then looks back at him. Draco smirks sadly, shrugging his shoulders. Is it bad that _his_ best friend knows his _wife_ is putting up a front.  
_

_Blaise Zabini smiles weakly, clapping him on the back encouragingly. "She's good though, mate. Perhaps she should've been an actress."  
_

_Draco would laugh, if the thought wasn't absolutely terrifying.  
_

_She's watching a movie on the television with Scorpius. Scorpius is curled up on the couch beside her with his head resting in her lap. She's only acting for Scorpius' sake, and she only does it half of the time.  
_

_"I dunno what to do with her, Blaise," Draco admits, leaning forward on the kitchen table, his arms folded. "She's...she's unraveling and she just keeps pushing me away. How am I supposed to be there for her if she won't let me?"  
_

_"You just...you just keep going. Even if she won't let you, you have to keep letting her know that you're here so that when she does she'll know she's safe."  
_

_"And if she doesn't?"  
_

_"She will."  
_

_Draco nods slightly.  
_

_"What about you? How are you doing?"  
_

_"Honestly?"  
_

_Blaise nods.  
_

_Draco sighs loudly, rubbing his hands over his face. "I dunno. I uh...I'm just trying to be strong for her, you know? And for Scorpius. I'm good at compartmentalizing but this...this is rough, man."_

X

June 27, 2006

He gets a new secretary. Kelly Watson. She's blonde, with blue eyes and plump lips and she's fucking beautiful. She smiles politely on his way in, introduces herself and then goes back to work quietly. She has a great personality and attitude, which makes her able get along well with her new co-workers and even better with the clients.

_At 10 o'clock she reminds him that he has a meeting in the afternoon. He plays it cool, pretending that he didn't completely forget about it although he has his suspicions that she knows anyway. She then hands him a book – an agenda, she calls it. In the first few pages are lists of their clients and their Floo numbers, organized alphabetically. Also organized and recorded, are his meetings along with various other events and important dates. He thanks her as she leaves, and offers her a coffee from the cafeteria – on him. Personally, he already doesn't know how he's managed his business without her.  
_

_She eats lunch with the other witches, laughing and smiling and joking around. And it's only her first day.  
At the end of the day, once he finishes the day's work, he leans back in his chair tiredly, rubbing his face with both hands. As far as he knows, he's the only one left in the office – it's going on 6:30 after all. And then his door opens and Kelly walks in. She smiles, offers him a wave, and then walks in to place a piece a parchment on his desk with a list of tomorrow's inquiries. She's half way to the door when he calls her back.  
_

_"Yes, Mr. Malfoy?"  
_

_"What are you still doing here?" he asks curiously.  
_

_"Well, I'm your secretary. At my last secretary job I wasn't supposed to leave until the boss left," she replies.  
_

_"Well that's rubbish. You can leave at four with everyone else, no exceptions," he tells her.  
_

_She grins. "Thanks."  
_

_He nods.  
_

_"Hey, do you want to get dinner?" she asks casually.  
_

_"Dinner?" he asks dumbly.  
_

_"Yeah, you know...food. It's just, my stomach is growling and I figured that you must be hungry too. It's okay if you don't, it was just a thought-"  
_

_"No, yeah, dinner sounds good. I'm starving too," he replies, pushing himself to his feet. "I'll just call my wife to make sure she hasn't started dinner-"  
_

_"Oh, right. Well then never mind-"  
_

_"Kelly, I assure you it's fine." He smiles softly as he grabs his jacket and his briefcase.  
_

_By the time their meals have arrived, in a little Italian restaurant down the street, he's almost forgotten about his...well, problems. He smiles. He laughs. And for the second time that day he wonders how in the world he ever got through the day._

X

July 31, 2006  
10:12 p.m.

"So?"

_Her voice scares him. It's dark in their bedroom, and usually she's asleep by now. He stops, mid-step, with his arms outstretched as he's also in the middle of discarding his dress shirt. She mutters a _Lumos_ spell and the end of her wand lights up, allowing him to see her silhouette sitting up in their bed. She's been waiting for him.  
_

_He clears his throat and then licks his lips. "So...what?" he asks casually.  
_

_"Did you sleep with her?" Her voice is calm, but bitter.  
_

_He blinks, his body tense. "What?"  
_

_"Kelly. Did you sleep with her?"  
_

_"I dunno what you're talking about-"  
_

_"Don't play stupid, Draco. I'm smarter than that. Did you, or did you not, sleep with her?"  
_

_He sighs, rubbing his hands over his face as he sits on the edge of the bed, his back to her. Ironically enough, he's just come home from being with Kelly. He's been seeing her a lot lately, hanging out with her. "I didn't sleep with her," he whispers truthfully.  
_

_"Did you want to?"  
_

_"For about two seconds," he admits softly. He peers over his shoulder at her.  
_

_She blinks. And then nods. And then she swings her legs over the edge of the bed, mirroring his position with her back to him.  
_

_"I didn't sleep with her-"  
_

_"But you wanted to-"  
_

_He growls deep in his chest, pushing himself almost roughly to his feet. "You won't even look at me, let alone talk to me! You won't let me touch you, you won't let me kiss you! I've barely gotten a fucking hug out of you in months!" he yells, pushing his left hand through his hair as he clenches his right around his wand. "She was being nice and affectionate so yes, for a whole two seconds I thought about it, but I didn't do it! I couldn't do it..." he finishes, unable to finish as he trails off.  
_

_"So that's what it's about then. The fact that you haven't had sex in a few months," she concludes accusingly.  
_

_"The horrifying part of that accusation is that you actually believe it."  
_

_"It's true, isn't it?"  
_

_"It's rubbish," he scoffs.  
_

_"Then what-".  
_

_"I miss you!" he yells desperately. "Fuck, Granger, I _miss_ you. I miss my wife. I miss my lover. I miss my soul mate."  
_

_"Draco-"  
_

_"I miss the woman I fell in love with," he whispers softly. "I miss holding you, and kissing you and touching you. And yes, I miss making love to you."  
_

_She faces him once more, taking a deep, shaky breath. "And Kelly?"  
_

_"She was there. I swear to God, Hermione, I thought about it for two seconds but that's it. Nothing happened. Nothing is _ever_ going to happen."  
_

_She closes her eyes, a lone tear trickling down her cheek. "I miss you too, Draco," she whispers. "I just...I just can't give you what you want right now."_

_He nods numbly.  
_  
X

_Present_

He leans back in his chair, staring angrily down at the divorce papers in his hands.

He isn't sure what makes him angrier: the fact that she filed for divorce and didn't tell him, or the fact that she filed for divorce in the first place. She blindsided him. Nobody's been able to blindside him since he was five years old when his house elf tried, and failed, for the last time.

Not to mention the awful, twisting sort of pain in the pit of his stomach and his heart clenching painfully in his chest.

She can't do this.

She can't just give up and walk away.

* * *

To be continued...


	2. Part 2

**New Beginnings**

_Present  
4:25 p.m._

She's sitting on the couch in the living room when he gets home, reading a book. She doesn't even look at him. He wants to scream and yell and throw things around. He wants to ask her what the fuck is wrong with her. Instead, he struggles to remain calm as he hangs his jacket on the hook by the door. He brushes the snow out of his hair, places his briefcase on the table and pulls the envelope out. On his way to the kitchen he drops it on the coffee table in front of her.

Once in the kitchen he opens the fridge and grabs a bottle of water off of the door. Moments later he hears her foot steps behind him, getting closer and closer. And then they stop, but he keeps his back to her, taking a sip from his bottle.

"You didn't sign them."

"No," he confirms.

"Why?" she demands.

He shrugs, turning around to face her. Her right hand is on her hip, her left clutching the papers. "You're the one that filed for divorce. You're the one that wants the divorce. _You_sign them-"

"We both have to sign them anyway," she replies.

"Right. So sign them."

She blinks, hesitating. He watches her as she looks away, biting her lip as she thinks of something to say.  
"I'll sign them, Granger. But only if you sign them first. So go ahead. Sign them," he tells her, crossing his arms over his chest. He's challenging her.

She glares at him. "You're an asshole-"

"You're a bitch," he counters, ignoring the way her eyes widen in shock, reflecting hurt and confusion. "Sign the damn papers and I'll sign them. You can have the house, the land, the cottage, the money – you can have everything you want, except Scorpius. Sign the papers and I'll give you whatever you want, I always have and I always will," he promises.

She looks away again, crossing her own arms across her chest stubbornly.

"Until you can make a decision I'm going to stay with Blaise. And I'm taking Scorpius with me," he mentions, slipping past her on his way down the hall to retrieve his son.

"What?" she asks incredulously, following closely behind him. "He's my son too, Draco. You can't do that-"

"I can, and I will."

"If this is your way of telling me you don't trust me-"

After scooping a sleeping Scorpius into his arms, he turns to face his wife, a harsh look on his face. "Make a decision, Hermione. And make it quick."

X

He's sitting on the couch in Blaise's living room, Scorpius curled up in his lap, when Hermione emerges in the green flames in the fireplace. He sits up quickly as Scorpius jumps to his feet and runs towards his mother. "Mummy!"

"Hi, Sweetly," she whispers bending down only to pick him up and rest him on her hip. She kisses his cheek and smoothed out his hair. "Feeling better?"

"He's still got a bit of a cough," Draco replies, standing up now with his hands in his pockets. "Nothing a little bit of cough potion can't fix, right bud?"

Scorpius nods, sticking his thumb in his mouth as he rests his head in the crook of Hermione's neck.

"Hey, Scorp, why don't you go find Blaise in the kitchen? Mummy and I have to talk," Draco tells him softly.

"'Kay," the boy replies sleepily.

Hermione glares at her husband and she places her son in his feet again, but then she smiles when he takes off out of the living room calling for his Uncle Blaise. When she stands up straight again, her gaze is narrow and firm. Angry. Hurt.

He wants nothing more than to pull her into his arms and-

"You're an asshole," she snaps angrily. "You're a complete and utter asshole Draco Malfoy!"

He rolls his eyes. "Did you sign them?"

"Look for yourself."

He snatches the envelope out of her hands and pulls the papers out. Relief washes over him when he doesn't see her signature. It's silent, the only sound, perhaps, being their steady breathing. And his heart beating rapidly in his chest. They both stand there quietly, awkwardly.

"Why couldn't you just sign the damn papers?" she asks stubbornly, breaking the silence at last.

"Would've made it too easy for you to just walk away," he replies, tossing the papers on the coffee table behind him.

"And why can't you just let me? We both know this isn't working."

"It isn't working because you aren't trying," he argues.

"I...what do you want from me?" she asks, her voice soft and desperate.

"I want my wife back," he tells her pointedly. "I want the...strong, brave, passionate and crazy and independent woman I fell in love with."

She sighs, looking down at the floor. "I don't...she doesn't exist anymore-"

"I don't believe that."

"It doesn't matter what you believe, Draco! The facts are what matters and the fact is that the strong and brave and independent woman you fell in love with is gone!" she tells matter-of-factly. "I don't...know how to do that anymore. I keep trying to get back to the life I remember, to the life we had, but I can't-"

"Then let me help you," he begs.

"You can't-".

"I can't because you won't let me try!" he shouts back, taking a step towards her. "You shut me out, Hermione. Do you have any idea what that's like? Do you have any idea what it's like to watch someone you love fall apart when there isn't a damn thing you can do about it?"

She looks back up at him, tears shining in her eyes. "No, I don't. And I'm sorry you feel that way, but you don't know what I've been through-"

"What you've been through? I know what you've been through, Granger. I've been through it too."

"No you haven't."

"Oh? And how do you figure that? Hmm? I was there-"

"But you _weren't_ there! You weren't _there_, Draco! You don't have a fucking clue!" she screams, her tears betraying her as they slip down her cheeks. She's shaking. And her cheeks are red.

Suddenly all of it makes sense. Draco blinks, sort of surprised by the emotions displayed clearly for him to see. Pain. Rage. Betrayal. Disappointment. Devastation. He's gotten so used to her being and looking so numb. "Hermione-"

"I was alone," she whispers, her voice shaking. "I knew something wasn't right and I begged you to stay home with me but you left anyway-"

"You know how much I regret that," he whispers back. He's all but on his knees in front of her.

"It doesn't matter...I was in pain, and I was bleeding and I was alone...and I needed you and you weren't there. I had to get myself – and Scorpius – to the hospital. Do you have any idea what it's like knowing that your baby is dying inside of you and you're so helpless that you can't even do anything to save her? I was supposed to protect her, and I failed her. And the Healers failed me..." She trails off, turning her back to him to look out the window. It's snowing. It's mesmerizing. She wraps her arms around herself protectively. This would've been their daughter's first Christmas. "I didn't just lose a baby, Draco. I lost a part of me. It's like...I was empty, literally. For five months I carried her and protected her and provided for her and then she was just...gone." She draws in a long, shaky breath. "And it wasn't like giving birth where I could hold her and touch her and feel her... Of all the things they teach you in those parenting classes, they don't teach you how to deal with a miscarriage. There are no rules, or books to tell you how you're supposed to handle it. And perhaps pushing you away was the exact wrong thing to do but I just...I was hurt and I was angry and I just couldn't wrap my head around it, you know? You were this...constant reminder of what we had lost and I couldn't deal with that. And Scorpius...he was a reminder too. Everything was a reminder and a trigger – I couldn't even look at him without thinking about her, let alone hold him and kiss him and hug him. That, in itself – looking at your little boy and not even wanting to hold him because it makes you sick to your stomach – it...it killed me. And you...you were fine-"

"I wasn't fine, Hermione," he says softly, interrupting her as he places his hands on his hips. "I was anything but _fine_."

She turns back to him, her gaze confused and, albeit, curious. "But...you-you were so much more put together than I was. You-"

"I mourned, Granger. I just did it in private. I did it where neither you, nor Scorpius, could see or hear me," he admits, lifting his gaze to look at the ceiling in an attempt to keep tears of his own from slipping down his pale cheeks.

"I...I didn't know..."

"You weren't supposed to. I was...I wanted to be strong for you. I needed to be strong for both of you. I needed to take care of you, and I needed to take care of Scorpius. He...he was worried about you-"

"I know...I know he was."

He looks at her. The look on his face feels like the look in her eyes. "And so was I."

"I know," she whispers, nodding her head softly. "I wanted to confide in you. I wanted to turn to you, I did. I just...I guess I sort of thought you blamed me. And that if you didn't, you should-"

"No, hey-no," he responds quickly, interrupting her before she can continue to blame herself. He steps closer to her; she lets him. "It's not your fault. You're not to blame – nobody is to blame. You know as well as I do that sometimes things just happen. It just _happened_, Luv."

She nods, looking down at the floor. He's so close now that he can touch her. Feel her. And so he does. He raises his right hand, lifting her chin with his index finger so that she'll look at him. He wipes a tear travelling down her cheek with the back of his knuckles. She smiles weakly.

"So c'mon, tell me the truth. What's with the papers, huh?" he asks softly.

She sighs, shaking her head. "I dunno, I just...we've both been just so miserable, you know? We fight all the time, if we even talk at all. We just...we don't seem to click anymore-"

"Of course we click," he argues, smiling reassuringly at her. "We'll always click, just as we always have."

She blinks. "But-"

"I love you," he replies, his voice confident. "I _love_you. I don't care what it takes, Hermione. I don't care what I have to do to make this work and I don't care how long it takes. I'm not giving up on us," he whispers, slipping his arms around her waist. He smiles when her arms curl around his neck – exactly where they belong. Exactly where they haven't been in so long. "Tell me you don't want to give this up," he pleads.

"Of course I don't," she whispers. "It's just-"

"It'll be hard, of course it will," he replies, reading her mind. "But we'll get through it. I know we will. And...and maybe one day we'll have a third child..."

She smiles, tears still shining in her eyes. "I'd like that."

"Me too."

He gasps when she kisses him, surprised. Her lips are just as soft and beautiful and delicious as he remembers. He deepens it, pulling her closer as he groans into her mouth. Merlin, he's missed this.

Missed her.

And for the first time in months, he truly believes that they'll be okay.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Review and leave me your thoughts :)


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